


Wet blood

by Burning_up_inside



Category: Tiny Meat Gang
Genre: Angst, Breakup, Cody needs a hug, Established Relationship, F/M, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Not a nice fic, drunken antics, dub-con, im not gay bro
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:08:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25159750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Burning_up_inside/pseuds/Burning_up_inside
Summary: Cody broke up with his girlfriend, and immediately goes over to Noel's house and gets drunk.OrCody’s a piece of shit but at the very least a waxing poetic.Or orNoel is and has always been simply funny, simply attractive, simply caring, unambiguously good and Cody wants it.
Relationships: Cody Ko/Noel Miller, Cody Ko/Original Character(s)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 40





	1. Expensive armoires

**Author's Note:**

> Here I ammmmm writing another fucking tmg fanfic it’s becoming not good for me. This is also Cody-centric because I’ve always just wanted to see what going on inside a white guys head. The infamous ‘she’ in this story is some mystery gf honestly. Imagine some Canadian baddie, I didn’t want it to be Kelsey because that feels disrespectful but I did base the girls outfit choice on that one workout suit that Kelsey has cause it’s sexy. Shoutout to wut_up_bois for the prompt ideas you should go read them.... and with that I will shut up but also reminder this is fiction don’t show the boys or the girls. This is all a vibe and a bad one tbh.

Their love spatters on the walls, like wet blood and twinkle from beams of the mid afternoon sun peering in quietly to the sordid affair. The curtains feel like they have been pulled for years but they drape open today and the sun onto their skin in their kitchen. 

Their wet blood is not insults or broken plates. Not tears of recreant affairs. 

Though it’s easy to admit that the realization that you’re no longer in love with someone is unsettling. It doesn’t feel like losing, where you’re a victim and also a failed aggressor, that you could have triumphed if you worked harder. It’s certainly not like winning in that your celebration is to be victor, to be able look upon what you lay waste. It’s not a breakup either, this wet blood, when you are staring down a stranger.

But it feels like an ecstasy unknown to man to castrate warm weight that feels cold in the same bed. Cody holds her hand in both of his when he guides her into the kitchen, they're standing an island apart, it feels like an ocean. 

They’ve been in circles, running the same track hoping the words will stick this time. It does feel different, pertinent, time sensitive. With him and her having been together so long and no ring on a finger, he’s been to 6 weddings this year and she had looked at the brides with a grimace and him with watery eyes every time they came home.

They stare at each other, an ocean apart and he doesn’t remember what he wanted to say. He’s the one who texted her they needed to talk, the one who practiced a speech in his mirror and here he is speechless.

“What did you want to talk about.” She postulates setting her keys and phone down on the kitchen island, her hair windswept from her jog and pink tinged to her ears where she’s overheated. She looks at where their hands meet and she knows. She knows that whatever this is, it has to be some end.

Silence and pained staring proceeds, “I’ve just.” He gulps and continues, “It’s like uhm.. I just, I feel like recently or I don’t know even before that.. that we’ve just outgrown each other. I love you and I should have said that first -uh. I love you so much and I would want you to be with someone who could let you be the best version of yourself. Or something.. I don’t know but, I just, I don’t know that that’s me anymore.”

It bubbles and simmers and it’s true, it’s so true it doesn’t even feel like he had to think the words before they came out.

She lets her smile fade into his words, her head bows and her pensive face thoughtful, her hands are clammy where they rest in Cody’s. It’s like she doesn’t breathe. Or the world quiets. She chuckles derisively and rests her head where their hands meet. She mumbles something he doesn’t hear. It’s all of a sudden that he wants her to say anything, anything at all.

He interjects her silence to fill it up with anything more than this thoughtful acceptance, “It’s just we’re not kids anymore you know. I still had fucking braces when we met. I don’t know who I am without you and for a long time, you and us and everything that felt like what I wanted, but now I’m realizing I’m almost thirty and I don’t know who I am outside of someone else. -And you, the person I grew up with, it feels like I never really knew you either.”

It’s hangs low in the air like gas from a bomb or the lingering smell of fire or the heady stench of sex, it stinks up the room with its vibrato.

She removes her hands from his and wipes them on her leggings and rest her elbows on the counter and her head in her hands. She’s silent and has been mostly quiet through the affair and it’s unnerving. He doesn’t know why but he had wanted her to cry and to beg for this relationship, to want this charade as much as he always thought she did 

Cody watches her, her everything so deeply familiar. She’s like the taste of water, the smell of rain on tar, like darkness. She’s familiar like breathing and he surmises he’s cutting his air supply. 

She whispers her words through her palms that encase her head, “God, we really were kids.” It’s the most she’s said aloud.

“15.” He supplies 

She chuckles.

They swap stories then of their first times, all the watercolor memories they can handle. They do it until they’re both crying in eachothers arms rushing to the comfort of knowing someone as deeply as they do each other.

Cody rests his head on hers, standing and swaying silently in the living room while they hug. It’s gnawing, it’s pain he can’t place and he also can’t feel. It’s like letting the air out of a balloon. Like popping a zit. It’s like a bullet thru a clay pigeon. It’s morose and lethargic and nothing and literally his whole life. 

They separate and spend the afternoon juggling around their shared amenities, polite forced conversation of polite forced concern over material items and money and whatever. 

Everything he knew about himself sat across him in purple leggings and a matching sports bra on the three hundred dollar armoire, he hadn’t wanted. It’s poetic really.

It gets dark late in the summertime and when the sun sets, she’s packing a bag destined for a townhouse in Culver City where her sister is waiting to wrangle a newly single girl. A title the woman hadn’t worn since grade 10. 

They hug again and the night shines now over this sordid affair, the curtains are drawn and the show seems to be at its standing ovation end. 

It’s goodbye but nothing feels clean, the break feels jagged and fresh and all this wet blood rains down his walls.

It’s too dark in his head after she’s gone, after he realizes she’s GONE and it’s dark in this room because he hasn’t bothered to move from this couch and it feels like a storm in this apartment.

It’s where everything that means him also means her and he can’t stand the way it’s closing in, so he opens up his front door and doesn’t even bother to lock it behind him. 

It’s only been an hour and a half since everything he’s ever known walked out of their front door and he texts Noel. 

9:49

C: can i come over

C: like rn

N: yeah man, what’s up?

C: thinking to much

C: too*

N: np just pull up we‘ll talk

He grips the steering wheel with both hands and squeezes as tight as he can, until the rubber pulls at the callouses in his hands. He wants to scream but he decides belatedly while he’s turning his key into the ignition, he can just get fucking wasted


	2. Don Julio Shots

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cody shows you that he’s a piece of shit but also a waxing poetic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More bullshit.. third chapter with horny shit probably coming. This chapter is not as a good as the first cause I’m rushing it but I had it almost done and I wanted the two chapters to be up together from the start so please be gentle. Pls go give wut_up_bois some love and I hope u enjoy this nonsense.

Noel jumps at the noise of the dinging apartment bell, entranced in some line of code.

He pulls himself off the computer shutting down the program guessing that Cody is gonna wanna piss and moan about some existential situation that Noel is gonna need his full brain capacity for.

The dinging bell, chiming again while he hunches over his desk clicking the monitor off, he half jogs to the front door.

Noel’s speaking even before the doors halfway open, “Dude, why didn’t you just fuckin text me when you got to the door? I didn’t even know that thing worked.” He says as he’s pushed back from the force of his apartment door pushing open. 

Cody doesn’t supply an answer or humor and stalks quickly and with purpose towards the kitchen with clinging glass bottles in a tough plastic bag from Ralphs smacking against his knee. He sets them upright in the bag, sheathes it closely and pulls out a Hennessy bottle and shot bottles of Don Julio.

Noel laughs disconcerted and a bit off balance, he raises an eyebrow at the proposed debauchery and can’t seem to place the emotion he catches from the side view of Cody’s face. He pushes the door close with his entire body laying a heavy head back against the wood grain and rolling his eyes towards the ceiling. Not in a hurry to deal with whatever Cody’s going through.

“I need to get drunk, fucking absolutely blackout drunk.” Cody calls in a childishly determined voice. 

“Ooookay?”, is all Noel can think to respond as he watches Cody rummage through his kitchen cabinets quickly finding the shot glasses off instinct. Cody hasn’t met his eyes once since he’s walked in here, back turned to Noel and corded with tension.

“What’s.. what’s going on man? You’re acting a little fucking psycho for.. for like 10pm. -on a Thursday wow.” He sets his phone down on the kitchen island and when he looks up it’s into Cody’s eyes. They’re rimmed red and heavy.

“We broke up.”

Cody punctuates the words with the two shots he poured himself and he doesn’t bother with a chaser.   
Cody is already pouring two more shots of Hennessy before Noel can say, “Dude really?”

Cody waves a dismissive hand in the shallow air at the kitchen sink reeling from the fourth shot, barely listening to anything accept the static in his head.

“Do you wanna talk about it man?” Cody is swinging open Noel’s refrigerator and grabbing the bottle of lemon juice in the door and setting it down on the kitchen counter. Noel maneuvers around the island towards Cody, “Like, I’m all ears.. I really- can’t believe that, -that’s crazy, like I thought you two were gonna get buried in the same grave or something.”

It’s insensitive, Noel realizes too late, a joke that couldn’t land on its feet even if it wanted to but it drags a wry chuckle out of Cody anyway. Noel sees it in his bouncing shoulders because Cody’s not looking at Noel anyway. Noel pulls the Hennessy bottle, more than a quarter gone, off the kitchen sink counter behind his back, stuffing it under the sink where he keeps his cleaning supplies and empty plastic bags(just to be safe) while Cody reaches on his tiptoes for the salt where the seasonings are.

“I’ve been fucking talking all day,” he’s grunting out as he gets the salt in hand. “I just wanna forget right now, I feel like I cut off a limb on purpose or something.” He’s turned around now shaking salt onto his wrist with too much focus and getting small grains all over the linoleum.

He’s unwrapping the plastic on the tops of the Don Julio shots with one hand and no caution and a blank stare straight ahead. Leaned back against the kitchen sink. 

There’s just silence, deafening and never ending. Noel watches him lick salt off his wrist roughly and hears Cody drink the first open shot with a withering careful breath and then grabs haphazardly for the lemon juice that Noel pushes toward him apologetically. Cody pops the cap and squeezes some of the lemon juice straight into his mouth and then another where he does the same.

“I feel so fucking stupid.” Cody says after a while his voice is already dulled by inebriation.

Noel watches him intently and lets Cody think, glances at the simmering pieces of Cody that are falling away with a glassy eyed stare. He doesn't dare speak, a buzzing hum of affection overlays him.

"What am I even doing? I think I'm gonna be a fully functioning human being, I've never taken care of myself, like period point blank ever.” He turns to Noel when he says that and Noel just nods. “I don't know how to do shit, -like i learned how to fold two months ago." He slaps his hand to his mouth and heaves out his nose.

Cody's words aren't cohesive and he mumbles over his fingers that are slapped against his mouth, you can hear the burn at the base of his neck where he's fighting tears. 

"I'm way too fucking old to be alone man." Cody mumbles, head now pressed to the kitchen counter. Noel is frozen in his aversion to human emotion but he plucks himself from his prone position standing a couple feet away from him, to right beside him where he can almost feel his pain like it leeches through touch.

Noel chances to run a clammy hand down Cody's back, he feels like a drunk girl in a house party bathroom. He’s been thinking of things to say since Cody walked in and he doesn’t know what else to do but let him hurt. 

It’s a long couple minutes filled with the grating sound of Noel smoothing his hand down Cody’s back through his shirt, he finally decides to respond to Cody’s anguish and says, "You're not alone dude, you have your family and you have friends who care about you. You have me man." It feels flat on his ears, but he really means it. The words still feel aggravatingly hollow, like a hallmark card or bad improv monologue.

Cody's back hunches in his hands and then Cody is sobbing. Quietly but harshly like pain is eating at his body and it's all noel can do but hug him.

Cody tears himself apart right there in Noel’s kitchen, in Noel’s arms. Cody cries for a long time soaking into Noel’s carhartt long sleeve until he's only sniffling and awkwardly stretched into the crook of Noel’s neck, Noel is still holding him, it burns down to his bones in unfamiliarity but it feels right to comfort him.

Noel doesn’t get to react before the damp side of Cody’s nose slides up against his. It’s slow but Noel is even slower and chapped lips and hot breath overtake him. It’s not even a second before his hands drop from Cody’s sides to his chest to push him away.

Noel swipes his hand over his mouth with unintentional dramatics. “ What the fuck dude, what are you doing.” Cody tastes like rubbing alcohol and the salty sting of tears and it lingered on Noel’s mouth. The kiss shocked him down to his toes, he felt it all over and not at all. Like a memory he didn’t have access to even though it just happened.

Cody hangs his head but he doesn’t say anything and all the cylinders in Noel’s brain build up to anger, to fear, to fighting so quickly, then the slope of Cody’s shoulders drains him of the feeling so quickly he’s left feeling cold.

“I’m sorry man, fuck.” He sounds like someone kicked his puppy..

Noel walks backward out of the kitchen and he’s almost wondering if he should call Cody’s mom and get him the fuck out of his apartment. He’s speaking to the empty space between the kitchen and the living out of the line of sight of Cody, it’s the only reason he has the courage.

“Look bro, I don’t wanna say I understand what you’re going through and I’m sorry for that but, but I’m not fucking gay. Like I care about you alright, I do I care about you but like you’re my friend and I don’t care about whatever you are or if you need to find yourself or something but that’s, that isn’t happening between us.” Noel’s chest constricts around the words and he tries to sound like he means them.

It’s almost like comedy how little Noel knows about Cody 

Cody murmurs something Noel can’t hear and Noel feels that anger ricocheting back up through his body. Noel feels betrayed, like he just lost a war. He keeps trying to work up the courage to tell him to call someone else, he stays quiet on the couch. 

Cody apologizes again, he slurs something like sorry twelve times at the far side of the kitchen, Noel can barely hear him but Cody isn’t planning on leaving, he doesn’t make his way to the door and Noel scares himself realizing he wouldn’t have stopped him if he did. He doesn’t know that he can touch Cody at all anymore.

Noel burrows into the couch and lets the silence stretch over them, tagging them like yarn in a murder mystery. Cody slides down the front of the fridge and sits with a thump that Noel can’t see from where he is.

“Can I sit on the couch?”, Cody calls hidden behind the island and Noel’s brain flashes a gigantic X with a buzzer sound like he’s playing family feud with a maniac. He wants to say, ‘no’ more than he can psychologically fathom and what comes out of Noel’s mouth is, “Yeah dude, whatever.”

Cody doesn’t make him repeat himself and makes a racket pulling himself off the floor in the kitchen and walks slowly to make his steps seem more sure and plops down on the same couch Noel was using to separate them.

Cody manages to look sheepish halfway towards blackout sitting on Noel's couch. 

Noel can’t think of any jokes to alleviate his brain from the tension and is scared to chance conversation in hopes that Cody will fall off into sleep and leave him alone and they can both pretend to forget that fucking kiss.

The silence is ripped by Cody aggressively clearing his nose, and wiping it away with the back of his hand in drunken stupor.

Cody looks at Noel introspectively, the way drunk people and dogs do, Noel pretends not to notice his stare, Noel does rub his clammy hands together in between his thighs to warm them up, they feel drained of blood. 

“You ever been in love man.” The question catches Noel off guard while he is trying to hunch his shoulders into disappearing 

“I don’t know.” There’s icky pieces of that wet blood feeling splattered across Noel’s walls. 

“You knowwww man, it fucking like takes over everything man, it’s like the stars and the moon and shit, it’s- it’s like dying or something.” “You know.” He repeats and he says it like an accusation.

But Noel really doesn’t know. No one really has been his moon and stars and all he can do is try not to pay attention to how Cody drunkenly teeters closer and closer to him.

Cody swings his head in the opposite direction of Noel like he knows something that Noel doesn’t, a disapproving nod like he’s sorry about what Noel hasn’t had. Noel takes a deep breath at the space.

“I’m sorry man really, I don’t know why I did that.. I just- -you were there.” Cody says again after some more silence in between them, minutes and minutes of agony, he does sound more sober.

Noel feels like he can’t breathe, like he needs to take shallow breaths to preserve oxygen. Cody is looking at him again and Noel can’t help but look, to stare into the red rimmed void of Cody’s eyes. God he feels so sick.

Cody gets up with effort and is pacing now, slowly. Cody runs his hands through the tufts of his hair overgrown these days. 

And it’s like Noel can never move fast enough because then Cody is kneeling in between Noel’s legs with Noel’s thighs in his grip and it takes everything in Noel not to mush Cody’s forehead.

Noel scoots back on the couch far from the tension splitting the atoms in his brain and Cody scoots to match. There’s really nowhere for him to go. It’s like he’s paralyzed. 

“Cody what the fuck are you doing.” Noel feels drunk, like he’s missing executive function. He hunches back against the couch and spreads his legs wider to accommodate which is the opposite of what he should be doing.

Cody repositions his hands on Noel’s thighs and Cody can feel them flex under his fingers.

“Stop it man.” Noel warbles in a tone a lot higher than he’s comfortable admitting. 

“This doesn’t have to be weird.” Glossy eyes, focused but loose look up into Noel’s so sure of things he couldn’t possibly be sure about. 

“What the fuck are you talking about, what are you— you’re gonna blow me, how is that not weird man.” This conversation is so absurd, he feels like he’s in a movie or floating outside his brain in a dream. 

Cody has a dumb placid grin on his face, a white tee loose around the shoulders, threatening to slide off.

Cody’s brain is sluggish and his actions match , he’s reeling, he needs this right now to be in control. He wants to be wanted. He wants to know who he is without her, he’s on his knees and he feels like god.

He might feel like god but his body is messy, warm under his clothes and sticky where he sweats. But, Noel looks like something he can aspire to. Noel looks like the guys he used to kiss after he got wasted at frat parties and rubbed off in the bathroom with. Like the guys he’d suck dry in frat bedrooms and then walk downstairs and still kiss his girlfriend on the cheek after. Noel is like every easy thing, every simple thing. 

Simply funny, simply attractive, simply caring,  
Unambiguously good.

Cody wants him.

“I just want to feel good. I want you to feel good too.” Cody laments. It’s simple.

Cody’s fingers slide softly up and down Noel’s sweatpants, not really moving but massaging.

“Look Cody.” He gulps, “ Why don’t we just talk.” He leans forward to say. Hand pushing at Cody’s shoulder but Cody doesn’t budge. 

“I don’t wanna talk.” Cody proves his point with a hand on Noel’s crotch and the feeling bounces through Noel’s brain like a gunshot. He’s pushed back by needing to be grounded in something. He wraps his hand on the arm of the couch with white knuckles 

Noel feels like jelly, like his bones are liquefying. 

“Cody.” He warns, desperate for something and he feels sick, like he can’t use his words. 

“What.” He tries and fails to say innocently. Not when he’s stroking Noel through his pants. Slowly but with purpose and practice.

Noel’s mouth and head fill with cotton, he closes his eyes and leans his head to the back of the couch, his mouth making a perfect o. 

It’s eerily quiet, the air stagnant and each pulse point in Noel’s body is focused in the blood filling his dick. He thinks his heart stops to lean into the feeling.

Cody can’t stop watching his hand, can’t help be mesmerized at watching little Noel rise trapped in his sweats. So simple.

“Mmf- god…” Noel mumbles and Cody feels like he’s dying. Like a phoenix to be born again. 

When Noel dares to open his eyes to look at what’s happening, to see Cody half drunk with a hand on his dick through his sweats, he wants to tell him to stop to force him to stop, to say he doesn’t want this. 

He does pull at the waistband of his sweats and catches Cody’s eyes as he guides them down, jostling slightly to get them from under his ass.

It feels like mutually assured destruction to accept that this is happening for a little while longer and his stomach turns and he doesn’t know if he’s nauseous or getting too hard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m not sure if I should tag this dubcon or not honestly tell me what u think?


	3. Moral White Horse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cody takes more than he ever gives and Noel is a liar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took forever for me to finally write this lol. Don’t show the boys, this chapter in particular is non-reflective of who they are. I hope u enjoy the finale of wet blood. It’s a little ridiculous because I don’t know how to proofread.

Cody gasps shallowly at the back of his throat at the sight of Noel’s dick straining against his red briefs, a shaky hum falls out of Noel’s mouth at the strain.

Cody doesn’t wait before he’s palming it, kneading it in his hand, tongue going lax and mouth filling with spit like he’s hungry. The air is so peaceful as they decimate each other.

“Noel.” Cody pleads out as a whisper like he can’t disturb the fragile peace, and he isn’t asking for anything but Noel nods, says yes to whatever he can get, begging with clenched fists and closed eyes.

Cody drags his hand slowly up Noel’s shirt, skirting down the soft warm skin tracing his hair towards the waistband of his briefs. He guides a hand up and down Noel’s leaking cock through his underwear all the while. A wet spot gathering around his head and it’s all Noel can do not to cry. 

Noel’s begging for this and pleading for it to stop and also doing nothing at all. He’s whining and grinding his hips into the light pressure of Cody’s hands and the oppressiveness of Cody’s lust. He can’t help feeling like this was inevitable. 

It’s numbing all over his body except where he can feel Cody’s hands, those spots burn like they're on fire. 

Cody’s hands slide too slowly, too softly. Noel’s worried he needs Cody to strip him bare and break him down until he’s only where they’re touching. 

“Take em off.” Cody says fast and forced, threatening. 

Noel pushes his underwear past his ass under Cody’s stare, heavy with a hedonistic desire to destroy and both watch Noel’s cock teeter comically in the air. 

Maybe Cody doesn’t know what Noel is thinking, can’t hear anything but the roaring sound of blood in his head, so loud he feels like he might taste it. So loud he’s drowning in a crimson wave of his own making but the sound -the dull thud of his heart is secondary to the want, all encompassing, to feel Noel. He licks a broad stripe up his hand and wraps it around Noel’s weeping dick to stroke him slowly.

Noel shivers up his back and leans forward toward Cody like he’s never been touched before, he’s nailed to a cross splayed to the heavens and Cody lay at his feet on his knees and prays. The room is so still around them, lithe chill running through their time of holy retribution. It’s all unreal and perfect and it feels like the end of the world and the resurrection and Noel can only focus on where the offensive hand schools him into a Virgin. 

Cody stokes him, spitting onto the head to pull some lubricant down the sides, Cody stares up at Noel, fixing fuck me eyes into Noel’s slack jawed ecstasy. Noel watches him to, looks at him like this isn’t happening.

They watch each other, staring and suddenly this feels the most like wet blood. Dirty and sticky and staining everything. Rupturing something, sinews collapse and nerves burst. They are sodden with this feeling while watching eachother. It feels horrible, Noel thinks but also like euphoria.

Cody can feel Noel flex his body and roll into the hand pumping him. Cody swipes his finger over the head and drags his fingers to the bottom methodically, an even pace to the base and and back picking up speed, enough to kill Noel but mostly to hear him hum sweetly.

It’s fireworks and bombs the way Cody’s tongue feels licking up the long vein pulsing on Noel’s shaft. Teasing kisses at the base to the top and over again. Guided practice showing his dick how to be loved.

Noel can’t help comparing Cody to women he’s fucked, memorizing the feel of Cody’s hand thick and heavy and anything but delicate on his cock and his thigh. Thinking of the stubble rubbing against his inner thigh when he pushes feather light kisses into his balls. It’s not so bad he thinks and Cody needs this and Noel’s realizing slowly he needs this too. 

Cody doesn’t have as much self control as he’s pretending to as he makes a slow demonstration of Noel’s body. Not when Noel is bucking his hips and pleading in small whimpers and tender knuckles near Cody’s head.

Cody throats it unable to play some torturing seductress anymore, a sizable weight in his mouth, perfect the way it sits on his tongue. He sinks as far as he can go as soon as he situates himself and fights to impale himself on the heady scent. 

Cody pushes his throat as far as it can go, fast and needy and uncoordinated, still wobbly around alcohol. He can’t watch Noel like this, with both his hands on Noel’s thighs instead and his mouth their only tether. He can hear him though, moaning through shallow breaths and abated whimpers. It’s enough to hear Noel to come undone around Cody’s mouth. To feel like he’s teaching him. To be in control.

Noel can’t breathe, his chest tight and his eyes clenched closed. He curls his toes because of the sloppy wet pressure around his cock. Cody works him with a new hand wrapped at the base and mouthing at the head. Cody fucks Noel’s cock into his mouth with his own hand and tongues the slit while he does it. Saliva gathers around Cody’s fist and Cody uses it to let his hand slide faster and harder. 

“Fuck, look at me.” Cody says his throat already wrapped in barbed wire, low and threatening in a way Noel doesn’t recognize.

He forces his eyes open and picks his head off the back of the couch where he’d tilted it back trying to escape and also live in the feelings Cody was giving him.

And -god the sight beneath him mutes the world around him, feels his head with white noise, pushes him almost off the brink. 

“Oh my god.” It’s all he can say.

Cody face flushed red, red blush falling around his neck on his shoulders, spit running down his chin, eyes heavy with rimmed tears and murder or lust or something. Noel squeaks in the back of his throat when Cody places his palm on Noel’s dick head and rubs it back it forth slowly at first, then devastatingly fast.

Cody just stares, obsessed with the way Noel looks like this. Fucked out, all bliss and no soft stress around his corners. He’s distressing his couch, gripping into the plush grey cotton so that the pieces bulge around his fingers. He wants to tell Noel to put his hands in his hair, in his mouth, so far up his ass he’d feel it in his throat. He settles on focusing on palming the head of Noel’s cock. He can tell Noel’s close and he wants his cum in his mouth more than any of those other things. 

Cody’s relentless, won’t give him anything more than this focused pressure and it hurts so good. He wants to tell him to put his mouth back on it, wants to feel the back of Cody’s throat again, feel his tongue on the head but he’s scared to give into this, this feeling but he’s about to cum. Building up so hard it’s knotting his stomach. 

“Please, Cody please.” And Noel can’t not hear his voice crack around his begging. “Please.” He repeats

“Tell me what you want huh baby.” “Use your words, come on.”

“Please -I -I just need for u to -fuck, please can I just-”

“What cmon you have to tell me what you want Noel.” it’s cruel he knows but it’s madness the way Noel begs.

“I -ha I need to cum, I want to cum, I need to -please.”  
It’s pathetic but it’s true, Cody’s still being tantalizingly sweet with his practiced hands around his cock and he's so close and he can’t, and he wants to cum so bad.

Cody withdraws his hand and puts his mouth on Noel’s head and Noel’s whole pelvis rockets off the couch. “Fuck.” They’re not sure who says it but they both feel it. 

Cody makes fast work of him. Sucking him harshly and without reprieve, lips sliding around the head and nowhere else. Noel’s basically crying, whimpers and increasingly loud moans resting over the top of them. 

Cody puts the base of Noel’s cock in his hand when Noel cums, feels it pulse through his own cock. Noel’s whole body slumps against the back of the couch and he takes his hand out of Cody’s hair. A place it’s found itself halfway through coming. 

“I'm sorry.” Noel says “I could’ve warned you or something.” His head is bowed and he’s still breathing hard. Chest rising and falling probably sticky with the same sweat pouring down off his temples. 

“No I wanted it, to swallow I mean.” Cody’s voice is still rough around the edges and the silence creeping around them in sexual bliss is staring headlong down a cliff of awkwardness. They huff and puff until Noel pushes forward off the couch to guide his underwear back over his ass and wrestles his sweats from around his ankles and back on his hips. Then he looks at Cody, really looks at him. 

Cody’s still singed around the edges, pretty flushed pink and red colors. His white shirt hangs low around his shoulders. “Should- uhh would you want me to for you.” Noel offers uncertainly. He can’t see Cody’s dick or anything but he hopes it hard and he doesn’t at the same time.

Cody smiles and pushes up off his knees without an answer. He pads off towards the kitchen where there’s old chipotle napkins. 

Noel watches Cody walk looking for something. Expecting his demeanor and walk and everything to be different, but Cody in the same stupid 300 dollar converse and jeans that don’t really fit walks away from him the exact same, like the whole world didn’t just change.

“I’m good man. I really just wanted to suck you off.” He says it and tries to sound nonchalant, or at least not weird but it misses kind of. His dick pulses angrily against his thigh, hot and ignored and distracting. The alcohol weans on the edges of his consciousness but he doesn’t feel it anymore not really. Soberness is disruptive to what he’s used to after he’s sucked someone off. If this was back in college he’d still be stumbling. But he’s here now in Noel’s kitchen adjusting his cock in his pants like a teenager.

He’s so acutely aware of every breath he takes and every one he can hear from Noel. Before he was proving a point, that he had control, that Noel wanted him and now he just feels like a fucking asshole.

“Uhh -um yeah dude -uh I think actually that I’m gonna go.” Needing suddenly to be fucking anywhere but here. His dick already deflating in his jeans. He’s still not facing Noel or really looking anywhere but at the ground. 

He shuffles around the kitchen island, pulling his keys down the marble into his pockets. He taps his back pocket and his phone is still there. His jacket is on the floor when he goes to grab it. The silence, so loud it’s physically painful. 

He pats himself down again headed for the door, he doesn’t even turn around to look at Noel before he’s reaching for the doorknob.

“So that’s it?” Noel hums, Cody can’t see but he hears the way Noel’s head is in his hands. Angry in a way that he reserves for assholes. Cody realizes belatedly the anger is warranted.

“You come into my house, get halfway pissy drunk and then you suck me off, ha- and now you fucking leave.” 

Noel’s words cut around him, true and unsavory. A derisive laugh at the edge of his words. Cody imagines turning the doorknob right now and escaping the conflict that he knows will come with answering, but the patronizing demand around Noel’s tone flares anger in his chest.

“Look. Dude -I, I didn’t come here and do that on purpose, or I mean- I didn’t, I wasn’t planning to.. alright.” The dropped air after planning bubbles up like fear. 

“And what that-that makes it okay, dude I’m not gay.” 

Noel whispers at the end, a hushed tone like anyone in the world could hear when it’s really just them. 

Cody can’t help but laugh, remembering the way Noel begged to cum. 

“Fuck you dude, are you laughing, do you think this a joke? I should kick your ass.” 

Noel’s standing up now, defensive red in the face but not in the way Cody just recently remembers, “I don’t wanna fight you, and I don’t think you’re gay, you were just there alright. Nothing more, nothing less.”

Cody faces him now, back pressed up against the door, jacket in hand and uncomfortable grimace on his face. Noel has his hands tucked under his arms, close like he’s protecting himself and he’s still mad, piercing eyes downcast but he’s glaring, Cody can tell.

He feels awkward and trapped in his skin and is angling to get out.

“Well I’m gonna go, like I said and I’m sorry again for this and I don’t want you to think that I came over here to do that, like I was secretly in love with you and thought we’d run off together. I just uh- thought it would make me feel better or something and it didn’t so I’m gonna go, uh- like I said ha.” He turns around now excited to be anywhere but here when he hears Noel mumble,

“God, you are such a fucking dick.” 

And Noel has called Cody a lot of things, probably actually called him a dick before but not with malice not the way he says it now.

“What.” Cody goads  
“Nothing, just go.”

“Well, no fuck that, what do you mean.”

“Exactly what I said, that you are a fucking colossal dick.”

They’re closer together now taking steps into the tainted fragrant air of regret and lust. Noel is so used to the way Cody’s shoulders hunch when he’s angling for an argument that he almost relaxes standing a couple feet apart in his living room.

Cody’s mouth opens on a gasp around Noel’s words, taken aback and unsure. Trepidation from the way Noel seems genuinely angry, like he needs to diffuse and fix something at the same time. 

“Noel I didn’t even do anything, are you mad because I blew you, because you didn’t sound mad when you were begging me to help you cum.” And it’s a lowblow, he realizes how much he sounds like a fucking asshole but it’s true, not even 20 minutes ago, Noel was begging for him and now he looks detached in a way Cody doesn’t recognize.

Noel’s mouth closes on dead air, false openings like a fish out of water, he lolls his head around in faint disbelief, bucks his head and neck and gestures his hands to say nothing, he looks down and has silence envelope him. He shakes his head like he’s on the verge of capsizing.

“Fuck you.”

It’s a dirty whisper of pain and anguish and hurt and it stings up into Cody’s chest.

“You are literally the most self obsessed person I’ve ever met in my life. You act like rainbows and fairy dust shoot out your ass.”

Noel laments slowly, careful words filled with woe of caring for someone who doesn’t know how to care for other people.

Cody laughs a short guffaw, unafraid to challenge the insanity of Noel’s plea, not understanding how it’s got here. How they’re having this conversation. 

“What are you even talking about.”

Cody is switching his weight on his feet, uncomfortable in his skin and hot, wet angry down into his toes he sets his jacket down on the floor, the cold clang of the metal zipper reverbates around the dense air in here. 

Noel fixes his mouth to start talking before Cody intercepts angry suddenly by the idea that Noel doesn’t think he cares about people when all he ever does is think about everything other people say and do —He hears every word and tracks every movement and Noel thinks he doesn’t care.

“You’re gonna stand there on some moral, fucking white horse huh. -say that I don’t care, you aren’t any better, you pretend like you know fucking everything. You think you’re smarter than Einstein, that you know more than everyone in any room you’re in. Do you know how annoying that is. I don’t see how that’s any better than me supposedly being fucking selfish.”

It cuts like a razor blade, hot anger permeating pores. 

They stand closer together now. Almost close like they were when Cody was on his knees. Cody’s breath has picked up into a light pant. His hands are clammy with nervousness. Trying to make heads and tails of actually arguing with Noel.

Noel has to step into the words so they don’t hurt, but they pierce a little, knowing now what Cody thinks about him. Only needed half an argument to find something to complain about. Noel wanted to believe that Cody forewent his complaints about Noel because they were close but they were always there, bubbling right under the surface.

Noel takes a withering breath and glances at his feet again, not before taking into account the spit on Cody’s chin that he still didn’t quite get and the spit on Cody’s lip he got from almost yelling at Noel and a derisive chuckle is all he can manage.

“Cody do you even remember why you're in my fucking house.”

Noel shrugs into the words, goading him into remembering who they were before all this.

“You broke up with your girlfriend of 15 years, a person who i’d call my friend and I just know you told her some bullshit, about needing to find yourself, when you knew who you were this whole time.”

Cody immediately sees what this is all about, clearer than he’s ever seen anything he thinks.

“Is this really all because I blew you, are you worried that you’re some faggot now, because a dude mouthed you off. I’ll post something on my story and make sure everyone knows you like pussy if that’ll make you feel better, alright dude.”

Cody’s chest rises and burns, angry and yelling almost. Hot white like burning your fingers on something you forgot was warm. An old wound starts to bleed staring into Noel’s face.

Noel can’t seem to understand how in the world, Cody strays so far away from anything he’s trying to say. All he can manage is another heated step forward and abated sordid breaths. Disbelief running tendrils of anxious indignation up his back. 

“God, do you ever fucking hear yourself.”

Noel asks almost genuinely, a soft almost murmur but with the threat of violence undercutting it. And Cody doesn’t get in a word edgewise before Noel, closer than he was before is pushing a finger into Cody’s chest.

“YOU STOLE LISA’S FUCKING YOUTH, YOU STOLE IT FROM HER.”

Noel grinds his pointer finger into Cody’s chest staring him in his eyes, spitting probably onto his face. Actually yelling with no proper cadence or sophistication. Just irate monopolized pain. Noel jabs his finger right next to Cody’s heart and Noel thinks for a second he can kind of feel it pulse. He doesn’t have the time to feel empathetic not even when he sees the way Cody’s face falls.

And Cody steps back or is pushed back by Noel’s finger and Noel’s words. He pushes Noel’s hand away from his chest, he doesn’t dare look away. Breathing heavily now the both of them, close almost as close as before when they kissed, but it was so different now.

Then after about 30 seconds of challenging stares Cody looks away and Noel steps back a little lopsided like he’s drunk. Cody is pressed up against the door again. Feeling a stone weight in his chest sinking his whole body into hell. Cody just shakes his head back and forth trying suddenly to escape his head.

“That’s not fair.” Soft silence around him 

“No Cody, what’s not fair is that it's 11pm and I have work tomorrow and I’m arguing with you about why you should fucking care about people, that’s not fair.”

Noel crosses his arm over his chest feeling a little tired, overstimulated, overwhelmed.

Silence. All over and through them. True quiet, an ambulance passes under Noel’s window. Shadows of the light bounce on the floor.

Cody slid to flop on the same floor and run his hands through his overgrown hair. Noel just looks at him, can’t really do anything else. They’re not done arguing but he doesn’t actually want him to stay. So, silence until Cody breaks it.

“I knew a guy on my swim team, he’d uh -let me blow him in the showers when everyone went home.” 

A soft gravel tone left Cody’s mouth while he talked, reverent of some past life.

“And uh he’d say shit like, ‘a mouths a mouth’ or he can’t really tell either way because I had uhm this- stupid mullet thing back then. I uh- I tried to kiss him once.” 

Cody lifted his head and his finger to illuminate his point and he dropped it back towards his knees with a small laugh. Noel watched.

“He punched me in the face and called me a fairy or something and I had to tell my mom that my black eye was from wiping out on a diving board or something stupid.”

Noel has already knew where the story was heading and Cody’s forlorn stupid face was almost enough to make him feel bad.

“You know that’s not the point.”

“Ok Noel then what’s the point. Other then you’re not any better than some closeted jock from my fucking high school when I was 15.”

Cody wants to laugh at his own irony. Noel can’t do anything but be offended.

Noel tries to articulate something cohesive, words that actually mean what he feels. Because he looks at Cody sitting on his ass with the pain of remembering on his face and he wants to comfort him. He doesn’t really know if he’s any better than that jock. He postulates some more, saying nothing and begging his mouth matches whatever comes from his head. 

He moves over to the kitchen island and takes a seat in a chair. Balancing the oppressive weight of his fucking feelings in his hands with his elbows frozen in the marble.

“I really didn’t want that, I think.”

Noel says, the heaviness of his full voice behind it. 

“I just wanted you to feel better and so I let you. And you knew I would.”

The words ring like sirens, like the pain in your skull from an explosion. The implication enough to floor Cody into gaped mouth trepidation. 

“Let me?” He says in a raised accusation. Hot and prickly where the consequences feel immediate.

Noel feels dumb for saying it because it’s not exactly what he means, more like he’s convincing himself but it’s all he can say about how far he’s seemingly willing to go for Cody to feel better. He gulps around a dry throat feeling weirdly vulnerable. Like he’s naked in his kitchen.

“I think I let you take advantage of me all the time. I fucking drop everything and force myself to be there for you, whenever you need me.”

Noel gulps and his eyes run with tears for some reason, he feels nauseous.

“-and you don’t even call your literal girlfriend or your ex-girlfriend now I guess. You call me because you know I’ll be there and I let you.”

Noel’s voice carried a hardened hurried tone, rushed in aggravation and revelation. 

Cody’s head is swimming, unable to really breathe. He can’t think of anything to say because it’s not true, or at least he doesn’t feel like that’s right. He’d always felt like they counted on each other. That’s what friends do.

“So what, you saying I took advantage of you?”

It falls flat even on his own ears but what else can he say.

“You never ask for my fucking help Noel. I barely even know anything about you. You act like you have some sob story, but I’ve never heard it.” 

Cody’s sitting rod straight against the door now, piecing together this feeling of betrayal festering in his stomach.

“You think it’s my fault that we’ve been friends for 6 years and you don’t know anything about me.”

Noel accuses him with a pointed look, unafraid now of tears threatening to spill. He feels like tearing something apart. Screaming even, but he only manages an incredulous searing whisper.

Cody almost can’t handle the way Noel is looking at him, it’s all too intense, he stands up stupidly feeling like going to Noel and holding him and saying something that would make this all better right now. Instead he just stands awkwardly half in the kitchen, half out. Nothing to do but hang his head.

Noel looks away from Cody and lolls his head in front of him into the crevice of his upturned hands. 

“I didn’t want that- sex or whatever with you, ...and that because I want to be there for you as a friend. I don’t know, I think I kinda just let you.”

A gaping pregnant pause lulls the room. For a moment Cody and Noel are a part of the solace of wet blood. Letting go of a stranger, their wet blood isn’t violent and it doesn’t spatter. It leaks from their wounds like revelation and recognizing. Truly seeing someone for the first time.

“And that- I don’t think that that’s healthy, man.”

It’s all so sordid. The ambient sounds, the trivial pain of something close to acceptance. The burning of a bridge.

Cody feels stupefied, at the end of a bungee cord that might snap. Like his world is caving in because he might have to give up two of the most important things in his life on the same day. 

For a second he really tries to contemplate what Noel says, if he’s right. If he is a selfish bastard who can’t help but to use people. Though now it doesn’t matter he surmises ruefully. If this ends, so be it. If he is the asteroid and also the earth he can’t just stop its trajectory. Maybe, this was always how it was supposed to be. So he’ll die on this hill before he falls at its feet.

“Stop pretending like you didn’t want it.”

Cody leans up against the kitchen island now, on the side of Noel’s hand fortress. He’s whispering, warm and wet right next to Noel’s ear

Noel pushes him back with his full force, barely missing tripping over the swivel stools.

They’re both breathing hard now, not very close, mutually assured destruction in just about the same way Noel had felt when he’d pulled down his sweats on his couch.

Cody is ripping apart at the seams, hurting so bad it feels like his insides are just juice he’s gonna vomit up. He gulps to catch some air. He gulps to keep himself together.

“I’m sorry that you feel like I don’t appreciate you or something but, you wanted it, I know you did.”

Noel tries to think about doing anything else but fucking slitting Cody’s throat. He is so full of this white hot pain, it’s like he’s gonna explode. Then like a balloon that got untied, it all just levels out. He’s left feeling cold and alone and tired standing across from his best friend.

“Cody, get out of my house.”

Cody doesn’t move, doesn’t speak. He stands there with a dumb look on his face that he can’t fix.

“GET OUT OF MY FUCKING HOUSE.”

The sound of Noel’s pain ricochets off all four walls, singing like a bloodied bird with clipped wings. Cody feels doused in cold water and burned through and through. It pushes him back with its intensity, forces him into cowering, almost into tears. 

Noel feels empty, wrung out like an old sponge. Spineless and disgusting. A tear lands with a sting on his cheek. He wants to lie down.

Cody stands near the door again, back on the path that he started.

“So what, that’s it. 6 years of friendship down the drain.”

“I think I just need time away from you.”

Cody guffaws, offended.

“We're not dating Noel, we’re friends. Friends don’t go on breaks. You're either friends with me or not.”

Noel doesn’t say anything. Nothing he could say right now is what he could really want. So he just stares at Cody. Looks at him. Knows him so deeply, it’s like he can see into his veins and nerves. He still has nothing to say.

Cody matches his stare but the longer it drags on, he starts to get the point. He nods and chews into his bottom lip. Nodding because he understands that this is over. Really over. And he has to accept it.

“Alright well, fuck you Noel.”

Noel sticks his hands into his pockets and turns his head away from the words. Gulping down misery.

Cody shakes his head disbelieving of the coward standing in front of him. Can’t believe they were ever even friends.

“You’ve always been a pompous insecure overcompensating little bitch ever since I met you. I don’t need this from you.”

He breathes hard and scoops his jacket off the floor. Shuffling it onto his back turning around, hunching his way into the jacket with his hand pointing towards the doorknob.

He turns the doorknob and finally the door is open to the outside and he can leave and an overwhelming want to stay leaps through his body.

Cody turns around standing in the hallway of the building. Tears, real ones leaking down his face. 

“Fuck you.” 

Cody says it and he doesn’t mean it

“Fuck you too.”

Noel says it and he doesn’t mean it either.

The door slams shut, a loud clang that seemingly shakes the floor. Noel is standing there looking at the grayish color of his worn door by himself. 

He turns around and he looks at his couch, and no one is sitting there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me if u liked it!! Also the line of Cody saying moral white horse is wrong on purpose, Cody irl mixes up a lot of sayings.


End file.
